change

I wake up. I drive. I work. I come back home. I surf the net. I sleep.

And that is my daily life. I feel unmotivated.

I used to be bubbly. I mean, I still bubbly but not as I used to. When I'm on the phone with the husband, he usually asks me to talk more because he knows I have so many to talk. But no. That was in the past. All I have now is about work. He will be bored if I only talk about work, complaining the same people he didn't know, talking about the mischievous students, right? And every time that happened, I felt guilty as I have nothing interesting to share with him.

Whenever I feel like I'm suffocating because of boredom, I drive myself into malls hoping that I would buy something that would make me alive again. Usually I would walk out with nothing in my hand *sigh*. Okay never mind. I put hopes in online shopping. So I browse blogshops, and put nothing in cart *sigh*.

I need to change. I need to have something that would inspire me to become positive person.

Problem is, what is there to change if nothing can be changed? What do you mean change workplace? I am more than happy to change. Of course not until they approve my transfer application.

Find interesting place to hang out? Alone? That wouldn't change anything. Plus, crimes are increasing these days. Its a big no. Unless the husband is here.

Find new friends? Friends at my age are starting to build a family. I shouldn't drag them out to spend time with me whenever my husband goes to work. 

Start a hobby? Like cooking? I only have 2 plates, 2 forks and 2 spoons in the kitchen. And mee maggi. Okay fine. There are also water heater, slow cooker (wedding gift from friend) and air fryer (bought because I can throw every frozen food inside). You expect me be a masterchef? 

Okay. I know now. It is because I am alone most of the time. That's why I'm feeling this way. My husband is not always there next to me. When he off to work, I left alone for at least fortnight. Family and friends are all far away. I have no one to talk to, to listen to all silly thoughts I have in mind.

WAIT WHAT?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN CHANGE HUSBAND??? HAHAHAHAHA

Now if you excuse me, I have a novel to finish. Salina by A. Samad Said. Don't question me why I'm attracted to novel like that hahaha.

p/s no, this post is not telling you that i'm depressed with my life. i just want to blog. i'm okay actually with what i have now. i know how to handle the boredom. but if i can have something to be inspired, i would appreciate it more than enough.